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Sunday night
whysocynic
Haven't posted in a while because quite frankly, I have been feeling good and had no reason to post up until recently.

EDIT: I was going to post this last night, but I ended up having an episode that I will expand on momentarily.
EDIT EDIT EDIT: Wow, I postponed on this a lot. I need to post it tonight.

At the beginning of the year, there was a fight between Cameron and Wayne. This resulted in Cameron asking Wayne to move out, but he did not want to follow through. Over the next few weeks, things have been getting increasingly bitter between Wayne and the rest of us living here. To be fair, Cameron, Keegan, and I all got along fairly well together.

Today, Keegan tells me that he's going to be living with other people next year. This is bad for two reasons: 1) he's my best friend and one of the few people whom I can genuinely connect with 2) I enjoy having him around 3) he helps me out tremendously when I have my episodes

This stresses me out because now I have no place to live for next year. I tell him to reconsider and he says he doesn't want to. I am stressed out for the rest of the day.

I have yet to mention that I occasionally have hallucinations. They are usually mild, but sometimes they are not. Sunday night was not of the times it was mild. I was stressed all day and I ended up listening to Portal, a band that I should not listen to when I am stressed. When I listen to Portal, I picture MC Escher esque environments super imposed on to a nothingness that eventually fades out into static white fuzz. The music pushed my stress levels beyond that of which I can handle and I had an episode. I started hallucinating things. I went down stairs with Keegan (Keegan knows about this) and he tried to calm me down. However, it really didn't do too much at first because I was still seeing things. I don't want to get into too much detail but I eventually came back to into being my normal self but had it not been for Keegan things could have potentially been worse.

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